I do not diet.
I would not. I could not. I will not.
I will not diet on a whim. I will not diet in to get slim.
I will not diet for a trip. I will not diet because it’s hip.
I will not diet for a wedding. I’m starting to think you know where this is heading…
Besides being bad at dieting, I’m also no good at rhyming (one last one!) and that just took way more effort than I thought it would.
Anyway, my point is that it really frustrates me when I’m putting together a salad in the break room during lunch (for the millionth time) and someone asks why I’m on a diet. For two reasons.
One being do you really have to be on a diet to eat salad? Apparently I’ve been misinformed at some point when I was told vegetables are just a generally good thing to eat on a regular basis? Weird.Maybe I’m just wrongfully bothered (and greatly annoyed) by the thought process of people who say such things?
Because I happen to like salads. Just as I also appreciate pizza. Or candy. After a weekend of alcohol and meal after meal of food I don’t normally eat, it is actually sort of refreshing to be eating a little more “clean”. Please, Mr. Coworker, don’t judge me for having an actual craving for it. It may be hard for you to understand, but I’m not judging your craving of Dr. Pepper and a bag of cheetos for lunch.
I’ll admit I’m intrigued by the combination, but will not pass judgement. Partially because a diet coke and snickers was my go-to breakfast my first year of college. And partially because I might even ask for a cheeto later. Unless you think my “diet” doesn’t allow for such things.Furthermore, I don’t do diets.
No, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with them. And no, I don’t think I’m above them, or some other silly assumption people would make in response to that statement.
Quite the opposite. I think they’re great if you’re trying to jump start a new routine. I will encourage anyone who is doing one. But they really don’t work for me.
I’ve tried. Oh how I’ve tried. Bikini season is coming and I’m just like every other girl in wishing I could shed a couple before I break out the pool wear.
But time after time, I’ve failed. As soon as I feel any little restriction at all, I’m that girl who’s gonna say “screw it, I’ve been good all week, I’m taking down this entire box of cereal and carton of ice cream over the weekend and you can’t stop me!” The week I start a diet is the week I order late night pizza after a night out. The week I cut back on sugar will be the week I end up in fetal position on my kitchen floor with a mixing spoon in one hand and a smear of icing across my face.
Do you see where I’m going with this?
*Oh and all those things have happened. Except for being in sugar coma on the kitchen floor- it happened on the couch instead (gotta be able to see the tv).
That’s just how I roll. Tell me I can’t do something, and I’m sure as hell going to turn around and do it anyways. Just to prove you wrong. I’m stubborn. I’m also a Leo (so you can understand how this happens).
There’s a really good chance this also explains how I ended up with a navel ring.
Anyway, the phrases “cutting back” and “everything in moderation” do not work for me. Unless I’m using them with a sarcastic tone.So after all this time, I’ve just learned to go with the flow. Yes, I may be aware of what I eat and put in my body. But that’s because I know that eating a slice of pizza is going to kill my chances of getting a good run in (unless you count the run to the bathroom I’m gonna make about half way through it). So I may wait until another time or just have one versus two. And the sugar in ice cream/cookies/etc will keep me up all night at a time when I really need my sleep.
So that’s why those things may not be as regular in my daily eats as salads are. Not because I think they’re “evil”.
But your accusational tone (and seriously- what is up with that?) is making me feel bad about just having a generally healthy lifestyle. I exercise. I eat. I repeat.
Thank you for listening. This has been your public service announcement for the day. (Cue the music and shooting star…)
Can I have a cheeto now?
*Oh and before I go… a few things/shout outs:
- My friend Bailey let me borrow her dress. I’ll have to let her know you all approve. And also find out where she bought it…
- If you’re going to Vegas soon (and some of you are) or have never been, my top recommendation would be the Bellagio fountain. Hands down. It’s a huge, cheesy touristy thing. But there’s a reason for it.
- I’m excited about this weekend because I’m meeting up with Miss Kelly while she’s in the city on a mini vacation!
- BIG shout out to my brother- it’s his 24th Birthday!!!
Happy Weekend, everyone!